The One Where I Can Walk Like a Penguin

There really isn't an athletic bone in my body.

Yeah, my first word was "tut-down" (touchdown for those of you who don't speak baby.)

And my nickname in softball was "slugger" (the nickname doesn't account for the fact that even though I could hit the ball long and hard *hee hee* I rarely made it past 2nd because I can't run to save my life.)

Maybe it's true that I could spend countless hours outside with my dad throwing free throws in the hoop - the last one you made had to be a swish! It was the rule! (but that doesn't really tell the story about when I tried out for my middle school basketball team and broke two fingers in the process, delegating me to become "she who manned the time clock" does it?)

Sure I write a sports blog (you know, when I have the time and put in some effort) and have been interviewed on TV to talk about sports, but that does not mean that I'm athletic!

If fact, I am quite the opposite. I. Am. Clumsy.

There. I said it.

Why am I writing about this now? Well it's winter again (I hate how this happens every year!) and we're getting snow/ice storms and I'm terrified of walking outside. (And before you ask I have no interest in moving to Florida or Texas or California to avoid the New England Winters. That's a blog post for another time.)

Our house is on a steep hill, and literally I start to cry a little bit (internally) when I have to get out of my car and walk down the snowy/icy hill, to get to our snowy/icy sidewalk and walk up the 15 or so snowy/icy concrete stairs - without a railing - to get into my nice warm house. Sure SH shovels and puts down pet-friendly salt to help me be more safe, but I'm still scared. I hate it.

Plus, when I get to work our parking lot is literally a skating rink. I swear it's a law-suit waiting to happen. And while I could use the extra dough, I don't want to be the one to fall in the parking lot where my whole company can see and laugh at me. Oh, and I don't want to get hurt.

You might think I'm over-reacting a little bit but let me tell you something totally embarrassing if you don't know me in RL.

Three weeks before my wedding I fell walking down the stairs outside of our house attempting to step on the grass. I had to wear a brace for the wedding and part of the honeymoon!

Not only that, but a few months later (literally three months) my father had open-heart surgery. My brother and I went to stay with him during his recovery. Wouldn't you know it - the day after dad got home from the hospital I went outside to walk the dog, fell in the garage and re-sprained my ankle. Thank goodness my brother was there or I don't know what we would have done that week I couldn't put any weight on my ankle.

Well today the Boston.com decided to give us some tips for walking on the ice - like a penguin (which reminds me of that 80's commercial for New England Aquarium where Karen says "I can walk like a penguin..." remember that? No? Ok then. OH WAIT - Apparently YouTube remembers!!! Watch Karen walk like a penguin for yourself!) Ok - back to the tips:



Honestly, thanks for the tips. But now on top of being clumsy, they want me to walk like an idiot (I mean penguin!) and in the 1.5 seconds I'm falling to the ground remember to tell myself, "Self: try and relax your muscles." I'm in big trouble.

How many days until spring?!?!